Zack Haer

[zak]

ghjg

[dante]

Quite a few things wrong with this, unfortunately.

1) OCs are not allowed to have attempted human transmutation.

2) You cannot say you are friends with canon characters. You need to form relationships with them in the roleplay itself.

3) In my opinion, the roleplay sample is unsatisfactory.

4) Too much capitalization! ;

5) How do you make weapons out of lightning? I don't understand.

But don't be discouraged! Just fix these things and I'll be glad to accept you.

[zak]

UGh!fine

[silverviper2134]

Same here. For the RP sample, don't use script format.

[AG]

After reading what Dante put and then reading your application (I sometimes will read what the others state first). You haven't fixed everything. And the RP sample is to show us your writing style I believe I placed in the rules that it is to be done in paragraph form. So please fix those things. I believe what Dante put is excellent and you still have a few things to fix. Once you fix those, we will review your application again.

[zak]

Ok I Changed it again.