Kimblee's Crash Pad

[Zolf J Kimblee]

This is Kimblee's messy house. It is small, with the kitchen, dining and livingroom all in one area. To get to the small bathroom, you must go through the cramped and clothes-strewn bedroom floor. Not stepping on the cat is a bonus too.

He has a ring in the bathtub, and mildew in the grout and days-old scum of shaving cream that he carelessly rinsed down the sink. He has a teeny chip of soap. When he saves up enough teeny chips of soap, he gathers them up and uses his arrays to melt it into a conglomo of various soaps. Waste not, want not. Nevermind that it's tacky.

He tosses a few capfulls of bleach into the toilet and flushes it. That' how he cleans the toilet. Once a week, or more, he'll grab a big garbage bag and toss all the cigarette butts, beer and hard liquor bottles into it. He'll wipe all the crusty days old take out foot with one swoop into this bag. But he hasn't gotten around to any of this yet.

He has a 5 month old kitten named Crimmy. It's all black and has the same color eyes as he does. What Zolf hasn't neglected, the kitten will make sure to make worse. Little poopy piles if Zolf is gone for more than a day or so.

It is an old apartment above a bar that's raucous and noisy. He's also one of their best customers. He doesn't cook much, so the cook makes him meals, which he takes upstairs with a six pack often.

It smells dank, dark, musty, and stale. And now it smells cat poopy on top of that.

[amouri]

Barry was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the mess.
Yeah, of course it didn't exactly matter to him, but it was still pretty impressive.
It looked like some kind of wild party had been held, and then the remains had just been left to collect mold and dust.
He even thought he saw some small brown piles that probably were from Kimblee's cat.

He stepped awkwardly inside, avoiding stepping on anything. Which was quite an accomplishment seeing as the floor was covered with dirty clothes and various other items.
"Wow, when you said it could be slightly messy, i wasn't expecting anything like this"

For one of the first times since he was reduced to an armour, he was thankful that he was without a sense of smell. For he could easily imagine how bad the stench was.

((Daaaw, I've got a cat nearly like Crimmy, though she's much older and she acts like a princess xD she gets really offended if you pick her up without her permission, giving you one of those 'You may not realize it, but I'm picturing you dying in horrible and painful ways' looks with those yellow eyes of hers.
She's called Mermaid, though i can't remember why ))

[aspiredeathe]

Jean grimaced at the sight and smell. How could anyone live in a place like this?
As far as he was concerned this place should be considered hazardous.
"When was the last time you cleaned up?" Going by the expiration date of a carton of milk on the counter, he'd guess it had been a while since Kimblee's pad had last seen a broom.

The fact that cat crap was littered everywhere had him standing by the door. AFter all, he knew what lay under those clothes that littered almost every inch of the floor.
Hell, the blonde lieutenant was almost close to inviting them over to his place, just for the sake of not feeling so..dirty.
"Oi, we allowed to smoke in here?" He felt the need to ask out of politeness, though from the looks of things it would be pretty much allowed. He was feeling the stress rising and made a mental note to really stock up on cigs before they left.

[Zolf J Kimblee]

"Oh no! Not again!" he moaned, when he almost stepped in one of Crimmy's 'presents'. The kitten was winding itself around his leg, mewling for attention. He glanced at the food and water dish. He had both. He kept them pretty full for the times when he'd be gone overnight or longer. He picked it up and took it to the litter box where he tossed him inside. "You empty your poop chute in here! BAD, BAD Crimmy!" he said, wagging his finger at the errant feline. It coiled itself on it's hind legs and leaped up, letting Zolf catch him. He sighed and patted it a moment, before setting it down.

The remarks about his house had him blushing his own shade of crimson on his cheeks. And his ears, had he seen them, were tomato red and burning from shame.

"Sure, knock yourself out," he answered Havoc. He only tossed Barry a cross look about the remark, but didn't say anything to defend himself. There was no real excuse, after all. He never had people over and his own filth didn't bother him, and now he felt exposed for that very reason. It was obvious to anyone looking around that he mustn't think much of himself or have much self-respect.

"Have a seat if you can find one," he offered lamely as he grabbed a garbage bag out of the cupboard. He went around furiously emptying ashtrays, empty and partially filled food cartons and alcohol bottles. A roach scurried out from under a frozen food tray and he leaped on a chair, shouting in surprise. He reflexively activated his arrays and cooked it as it scurried across the floor. It left a little smoking black mark on the carpet. "Well.." he said, sheepishly, "there goes the security deposit.....Well? That's the first roach I've seen in here! Honest!" Just perfect. Now they'd think he let vermin crawl around his house at will.

[amouri]

Barry noticed Kimblee's hurt look, and refrained from making any more comments about the mess.
He slowly sidled through the room, avoiding the piles of kitty-crap
and flopped onto an empty chair.
It creaked protestingly at his massive bulk, so he shifted slightly so as not to place his entire weight on it.

He chuckled quietly as the alchemist reprimanded the kitten, though it seemed completely oblivious to his fussing.

He was slightly amused by Kimblee's reaction to the insect as it scurried across the floor.
"Easy there, i believe ya. I know by experience that it is very rare only to find one cockroach. So either you are right, or you've got a nest of hidden vermin somewhere."

[aspiredeathe]

Not wasting time, Jean lit up a stick, manning up enough to step into the room.
He avoided the crap and stood awkwardly next to a chair. Hesitating for a moment, he picked up the clothes that lay over it, throwing them onto a pile just as a cockroach ran by. Only to met it's demise by way of alchemy. He decided it was best not to comment on whether he believed him or not, considering the state of the place.
"It gives the place a bit of..flair."He offered, glancing at the burn mark before settling himself on the chair. It didn't smell so bad and it wasn't sticky, so he'd live.

"You wouldn't happen to have paper and a pen? So we can write down a list of things we need." He was rather amused that Kimblee found it necessary to clean up while they'd already seen the mess. And it wasn't as if his cat was helping, as it continued to maim a shirt cast onto the floor.

[Zolf J Kimblee]

Zolf chuckled as he walked to the fridge to forage for food and/or drinks. The kitten pawed at his legs, wanting to be picked up again. Kimblee shook his leg trying to fend off the little monster as he opened the door of the ice box.

"Let's see..." he said, "I have...." his shoulders slumped. More to be embarrassed about, he sighed to himself, "Ketchup, mustard and mayo."

He picked up the phone and ordered a six pack of beer, a six pack of sodas and a pizza. he wasn't even thinking about Barry not being able to eat, so it was probably too much food and drink. He ordered it delivered upstairs from the bar.

"Okay!" he started, rubbing his hands together, "Barry can be our armored escort and we go as women silk traders. That requires appropriate clothes and a few bolts of silk."

He gets the door a few minutes later when the waitress brings his order. He sets the food on the table. He pops open a bottle of beer and grabs a slice of pizza. "Eat up...that's what it's there for." he offers to Havoc. "Sorry, Barry...don't know what to say fella. Motor oil, perhaps?"

He continued laying out his ideas about the mission. "I say we get the clothes from a thrift shop. I ain't gonna pay full price for clothes I plan on burning to a crisp when I'm done."

[amouri]

Barry chuckled slightly "Never mind, we all make mistakes. In fact, now that you mention it, this armour probably needs some good oil for a change."
He picked absentmindedly at some rust on his shoulder.
"Cus i don't think they're gonna believe I'm your top trained bodyguard or whatever if my armour is in poor condition."

He sighed and gazed longingly at the pizza.
"Sure looks good though, and to think the last meal i had was some stale bread with jam on!
I nearly quit eating in the end, seeing as it was getting too risky to buy food. And i never really felt hungry anyway, the excitement of the kill just kept me going."

He reached out for a piece and flung it to the kitten.
"Well, it wouldn't be proper to waste it!"
He glanced at Kimblee.
"That OK with you buddy?
After all, you're not gonna be able to eat all of it right?"

[aspiredeathe]

Jean dabbed his cigarette out in a now empty ashtray, opening a soda. He was still on duty after all.
"I can get some bolts of silk cheap. I know someone in the textile store." Or better said, Mustang knew someone there. The blonde would have known her if the alchemist hadn't suddenly waltzed after him and told him to go do some embarrassing errand in front of the beautiful lady.
He had the feeling the man done it on purpose sometimes.

He took a gulp of his soda, reaching out for a slice of pizza. Somehow this felt more like scheming up a plan to steal the girls underwear back at the academy, instead of planning a proper mission.
He cast Barry a sympathetic look, one couldn't help but feel bad for someone who'd never eat pizza again.

[Zolf J Kimblee]

He rummaged around in a drawer, looking for a note pad and pen. Finding what he was looking for, he tossed them to Jean.

"Lemme guess...Roy the date thief, right? Heh.." he chuckled. "If he aint good for anything else in this world, he's good at running potential dates off. Lemme clue you in, Havoc: Casually mention a few unsavory things about him in front of potential dates. You know...real casual like. Makes 'em think twice. He never stole anyone I was hittin' on during the rebellion." He scratched his head at the memory. Of course most of mine were paid dates, he added silently to himself, in his thoughts. But Havoc don't need to know that. "And..." he added, "act a bit aloof around the womenfolk. They'll be all over you if you act like you don't give two shits. And no pretty girl can resist a bad boy, eiher." He gave him a wicked grin to punctuate his point.

He dug further back in his junk drawer and found a small container of all-in-one oil. He tossed it to Barry. "Didn't know if you were joking or not, but here." He noticed Barry's glowing eyes shift over to the pizza and he felt bad for him. "Yeah...gotta miss that lovely stale prison bread and jam. I guess they consider a spoon full of jam a serving of fruit."

"Okay then...clothes. We know that much. But what else in the way of feminine accoutrements do we need? Jeez, this isn't funny anymore now that it comes down to actually doing it." He gave a creeped out shudder just from discussing it with two men, and in his house, no less!

[amouri]

Barry caught the small can of oil.
"Thanks, i never had the time to do it before. Well, actually i had plenty of time to do it, i just didn't have any oil at that point."

He opened it and hesitated slightly.
Should he ask for an old rag that he could use?
Even though there was plenty of dirty rags on the floor, he had a feeling Kimblee wouldn't appreciate it.
He tried just sticking his hand in and smearing it over, but it was impossible to spread it evenly that way, so it just stuck in greasy lumps.

Well, he could always use his other solution.
He ripped off a corner of the fur he was wearing and then proceeded to wipe off his hands and started getting the rust off his armour.

He listened thoughtfully to Havoc's and Kimblee's conversation.
"You guys still haven't explained to me what exactly we're supposed to be doing on this 'mission'.
Something to do with some military business?
I'll need the info, cus I'm not just gonna be diving in to all sorts of dangerous messes without knowing anything about it first."

[aspiredeathe]

Catching the pen and pad with his free hand, Jean managed to finish the rest of his pizza before speaking.
"There's really not much to say about him that would make the ladies look the other way. If anything, I'd make him out to being a 'bad boy'." He sighed slightly. It wasn't anything new anyway.
He wrote down two dresses, oil and paused on the silk." How many bolts? Don't want too many or it'll be a bugger to carry.." Not that he or Kimblee would have that, them having to act out as women would mean avoiding such manual tasks.
"We gotta save some officer from Lior. Why, I have no clue." He mumbled an explanation to the iron suit, tapping the pen on the paper.
"You mean stuff like necklaces and such?" Jean was finally glad to see the alchemist was finally grasping the meaning of this mission.
Men, dressing up as women. Dresses and all.
Oh god if they had to wear make-up too!

[Zolf J Kimblee]

Oh well, he thought, some guys just have a knack for gettin' the ladies and others have a knack for gettin' 'em taken away.

"Oh my, where are my manners!" he said, when he noticed Barry had torn his own clothes to oil himself. He fished around in another drawer and pulled out a small piece of fine-grain sand-paper. He handed that, and a worn out shirt. "Use this sand paper if you need. You can rub out the more stubborn rust with it."

He went on to explain a bit more to Barry about the mission. "Like I said before...you know as much as we do about it. We're talking about Colonel Frank Archer here. That means one of two things: Either it's dead serious, or else it's nothing at all and he's just creating drama out of sheer boredom. I'd put my money on just that, if you ask my opinion."

He answered Havoc's inquiry, "I say we just get three or four bolts of silk. But it better be really rare expensive silk so we seem more legitimate. No one's going to question such a small shipment if it's rare." "And we need a few pieces of jewelry and..." he sighs, "some makeup couldn't hurt either I guess. And you'll definitely need a wig. God, this is humiliating! I'm gonna bitch-slap Frank first thing when we get there!"

[amouri]

Barry thankfully accepted the shirt and sandpaper.
"Thanks. So, this guy Archer."
He paused slightly.
"Ignoring the fact that it may just be a joke he's pulling, what kind of danger could he be in? Is he going against the law, or is he held hostage by someone? If so, for what reasons?"

He finished wiping off his elbow, and then took off his head to reach the rust and dirt that was stuck behind the pair of spines on the metal half of his helmet, which he then alternatively sanded and wiped off.

"Gotta remember always to clean behind your ears!"
The memory of his mothers orders faintly echoed through his mind from a time that seemed ages ago.
Not that i ever did until now though.
He thought to himself.

"And what connection do you guys have to him? Is he an old friend or are you just carrying out orders from your boss?"
He asked curiously.

((To be honest i don't know ANYTHING about Archer Dx
I only know he's some guy in the military with half his body composed of automail. Is there anything important i should know?))

[aspiredeathe]

Jean nodded noting down the amounts. He couldn't think of anything that may be high quality, but figured he'd just drop the Colonel's name and see where that gets him.
Although, if he mentioned Hawkeye, they'd probably get extra discount too..

"IS make-up really necessary?" He was one step from whining. The idea of poking his eye out with a pencil all for the sake of looking good? He shuddered, memories of his youth and his older sisters came flooding back.
"I get the wig, my hair being short and all, but I'm really not one for dark hair." He muttered, running hand through his blonde locks.
He didn't see how they were going to get the jewellery though. After all that stuff was expensive. He should know, having bought enough for his dates. That all failed.
Barry's question took his mind off of that momentarily "He's our superior. Kimblee's like his minion." He waved a hand to the latter with a grin. He didn't mean it really, just a little joke. Kind of.

[Zolf J Kimblee]

He had to laugh at Barrys implication. "Surely you jest! Pulling a joke would require a sense of humor...Frank don't have one." he shook his head, still chuckling. "The only thing I can think of is that he needs us to spy and he can't do it because his presence is already known around there. After all....why the need for disguise? No...this is something he had planned before he ever left. He left the orders in his office. For whatever reason, he has to keep his presence in the open, but we can't."

He snorted at Havocs smart lip joke. "Well if I'm a minion, what does that make you, buddy?" He snickered and poked his tongue out at Havoc, giving him 'raspberries' :-P~~~ "We'll just pick up some cheap costume jewelry at the thrift shop with our clothes. If you don't feel like wearing makeup, be my guest. I'm gonna be a sight prettier than you either way." he chuckled again. He couldn't resist, so he shot him another smart remark, "Don't feel too bad, maybe Mustang will ask you out. I promise I wont try to take him away from you." He was wearing a huge, devilish grin.

[Profile, Frank Archer: Suave (in his own mind), refined, snobbish Colonel. War Monger and brown noser. He helped Kimblee betray greed after the prison escape since he had an interest in Kimblee as a weapon of war. After a horrible incident in Lior that tears half his body apart, he ends up being half automail (TERMINARCHER!!! )

[amouri]

Barry continued oiling his helmet.
"Yeah well, i know near to nothing about this guy, how should i know he ain't got a sense of humor?"

He listened to Havocs complaining and Kimblee's jokes in an amused silence.
Well, at least they're not gonna try and squeeze me into a dress. And makeup would be physically impossible.
He nearly chuckled out loud at the thought of him trying to get past some guards disguised as a woman.
They'd think i was some abomination of nature. Probably kill me off as quickly as possible.

He finished oiling himself off and put his head back on.
"Erm....where should i dispose of this?"
He said holding the shirt and sandpaper.
He wasn't quite sure if Kimblee had a washing pile or if he just dumped it on the floor (which seemed to be the most likely).

((Terminarcher xD))

[Zolf J Kimblee]

"Well...now you know," he answered Barry, "Just wait till you meet him in person. He's a real treat when you know how mess with his head." He plopped on the couch and laid back, resting his arm behind his head and propping a leg up on the back of the couch. Crimmy jumped on his lap and sniffed the pizza he was eating, then commenced to kneading his paws on his stomach and purring away.

"Just toss the rag with the rest of the junk on the floor," he added with a yawn. He was getting tired. He picked up the kitten and stood. He went to the closet in his room and dragged out a blanket and grabbed and extra pillow from his bed. He tossed them on the couch. "Jean, you can crash on the couch if you want. Or you can go home and come back in the morning. I'm headin' to bed, I'm wiped. Barry, you can...." he scratched his head, wondering just what exactly the guy did for rest, or if he even needed any. He shrugged, "you can do whatever it is you do. Minus killing me or my commrade."

He retired to his room with the kitten under his arm. A few moments later, a few items of clothes and a shoe 'flumped' to the floor as he tossed them off his bed. Not long after, he started to snore and the kitten curled up next to his head on the pillow, chewing on his hair wrap.

[aspiredeathe]

Jean's eyes widened at the remarks. He knew Kimblee was insane, but an idiot as well?
"You know you have way too much fun messing with people." He mumbled, standing up and stretching. As his superior mentioned hitting the sack did he realize just how tired he actually was. It had been a long day, even before they went to Lab 5.
Heck, he was pretty sure tomorrow would be worse.
"I'm gonna head to my own place actually. You kinda helped remind me to do the laundry." He scratched his chin as he stepped over the clothes.

"I'll come around 9ish." He told Barry as Kimblee had already retired" It's technically my day off and he didn't say anything, so he can't complain. You, uh want me to bring you anything?" He felt he might as well offer, seeing as how he needed the oil change.
"Cya." He waved slightly, closing the front door behind him. He could instantly feel the hygiene level rising as he stood outside the door. It was an odd feeling indeed.
Shaking his head, he made his way to his own place. Luckily it wasn't too far from here.

The moment he got home, he did the wash. Then sort of half flopped onto his bed in a semi-concious manner, eyelids closing the moment he stuffed his pillow under his head.

[amouri]

Barry chuckled merrily and threw the now even more dirty rag on the floor.
"No need to be afraid of that happening. I'm not so stupid as to risk a fight with an alchemist."
He chuckled again.
"After all, you've still got my knife. And i never was that good at fighting unarmed anyway, so no. No need to worry about that."

He sighed heavily as Kimblee retired to his room.
He looked up and answered Havocs question.
"No no, I'm fine. I'll just....wait till morning."
He got of the chair and sat down leaning against the wall.
He barely registered that Havoc had left, as slowly the stillness of the night settled like a dark shroud.
The distant noises of activity from the pub underneath also slowly faded away, as all living creatures retired.

He gazed out of the window, at the moon that was slowly appearing from behind a cloud.
A cat's wailing sounded somewhere near, but that too passed.
Another lonely night.
Nothing has changed. No matter where i go, or what i do, this is always how its gonna be. Now, and for the rest of my miserable life...
He slowly settled as he lapsed into a dream state, not awake, but not properly asleep either. A place where thoughts and feelings blended, and the only place where he could actually feel remotely human.
Well, at least i can still dream...